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Book

The Game

Neil Strauss

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  • THAT ONLY A FOOL CAN BECOME SOMETHING.” (Location 19)
  • Mystery (Location 94)
  • But this sobbing giant with the crumpled tissue in his hands was the greatest pickup artist in the world. That was not a matter of opinion, but fact. (Location 173)
  • like so many other men in Los Angeles. All I have is my mind, and nobody can see that. You may notice that I haven’t mentioned my personality. This is because my personality has completely changed. Or, to put it more accurately, I completely changed my personality. I invented Style, my alter ego. And in the course of two years, Style became more popular than I ever was—especially with women. It was never my intention to change my personality or walk (Location 189)
    • Note: Neuroplasticity at work
  • I reread James Joyce’s Ulysses every three years for fun. (Location 205)
    • Note: Don’t think I’ve read this…
  • AFC, PUA (pickup artist), sarging (picking up women), and HB (hot babe)1 entered my permanent lexicon. (Location 262)
  • THE FIRST PROBLEM FOR ALL OF US, MEN AND WOMEN, IS NOT TO LEARN BUT TO UNLEARN. (Location 279)
    • Note: The Alexander technique..
  • —GLORIA STEINEM, commencement speech, Vassar College (Location 284)
  • He was the most worshipped pickup artist in the community, a powerhouse who spit out long, detailed posts that read like algorithms of how to manipulate social situations to meet and attract women. (Location 292)
    • Note: Algorithms of thought make their way into seduction too I see
  • picking up women. To do so is to acknowledge defeat, inferiority, and inadequacy. (Location 303)
    • Note: And I’m nervous about signing up for a Roam Research group,,
  • or extra pressure because of my credentials. (Location 312)
    • Note: Pressure is placed on yourself by your own doing
  • “A pickup artist must be the exception to the rule. You must not do what everyone else does. Ever.” (Location 345)
  • Think of tonight as a video game. It is not real. Every time you do an approach, you are playing this game.” (Location 372)
    • Note: I like this way of thinking even for life
  • “All your emotions are going to try to fuck you up,” Mystery continued. “They are there to try to confuse you, so know right now that they cannot be trusted at all. You will feel shy sometimes, and self-conscious, and you must deal with it like you deal with a pebble in your shoe. It’s uncomfortable, but you ignore it. It’s not part of the equation.” (Location 375)
    • Note: The way you feel is only felt by you. Nobody else has a clue
  • “And you will have to play the game over and over to learn how to win. So get ready to fail.” (Location 379)
    • Note: Failure is a hated necessity. Why is that?
  • together the puzzle that is social dynamics (Location 391)
    • Note: Social dynamics?..
  • basic format is FMAC—find, meet, attract, close. (Location 392)
    • Note: Key
  • pickup artist must intrigue her by pretending to be unaffected by her charm. This is accomplished through the use of what he called a neg. (Location 398)
  • Neither compliment nor insult, a neg is something in between—an accidental insult or backhanded compliment. (Location 399)
  • “The number one characteristic of an alpha male is the smile,” he said, beaming an artificial beam. “Smile when you enter a room. As soon as you walk in a club, the game is on. And by smiling, you look like you’re together, you’re fun, and you’re somebody.” (Location 410)
    • Note: Smile. That’s it. Just smile
  • Besides confidence and a smile, we learned, the other characteristics of an alpha male were being well-groomed, possessing a sense of humor, connecting with people, and being seen as the social center of a room. (Location 417)
  • “An amateur hits on a woman right away,” he decreed as he rose to leave the hotel. “A pro waits eight to ten minutes.” (Location 449)
    • Note: Patience
  • I’d heard about called cold reading: the art of telling people truisms about themselves without any prior knowledge of their personality or background. In the field, all knowledge—however esoteric—is power. (Location 475)
  • the three-second rule. A man has three seconds after spotting a woman to speak to her, he said. If he takes any longer, then not only is the girl likely to think he’s a creep who’s been staring at her for too long, but he will start overthinking the approach, get nervous, and probably blow it. (Location 492)
    • Note: 3. 2. 1. Go.
  • “What I do is, I look for IOIs. An IOI is an indicator of interest. If she asks you what your name is, that’s an IOI. If she asks you if you’re single, that’s an IOI. If you take her hands and squeeze them, and she squeezes back, that’s an IOI. (Location 556)
    • Note: Be conscious of IOI’s with girls
  • It’s like a computer program.” (Location 558)
  • “I just say, ‘Would you like to kiss me?’” (Location 560)
  • “One of three things,” Mystery said. “If she says, ‘Yes,’ which is very rare, you kiss her. If she says, ‘Maybe,’ or hesitates, then you say, ‘Let’s find out,’ and kiss her. And if she says, ‘No,’ you say, ‘I didn’t say you could. It just looked like you had something on your mind.’” (Location 561)
    • Note: how to make the move to kiss
  • Perhaps signing up for Mystery’s workshop had been an intelligent decision. After all, I was doing something proactive about my lameness. Even the wise man dwells in the fool’s paradise. (Location 618)
  • “Listen. Have you ever seen a cat play with a string? Well, when the string is dangling above its head, just out of reach, the cat goes crazy trying to get it. It leaps in the air, dances around, and chases it all over the room. But as soon as you let go of the string and it drops right between the cat’s paws, it just looks at the string for a second and then walks away. It’s bored. It doesn’t want it anymore.” “So…” “So that girl moved away from you when you put your arm around her. And you ran right back to her like a puppy dog. You should have punished her—turned away and talked to someone else. Let her work to get your attention back. After that, she made you wait while she talked to that dork.” (Location 655)
    • Note: Reggie has been teaching me game
    1. Smile when you walk into a room. See the group with the target and follow the three-second rule. Do not hesitate—approach instantly. (Location 680)
    1. Recite a memorized opener, if not two or three in a row. (Location 682)
    1. The opener should open the group, not just the target. When talking, ignore the target for the most part. If there are men in the group, focus your attention on the men. 4. Neg the target with one of the slew of negs we’ve come up with. Tell her, “It’s so cute. Your nose wiggles when you laugh.” Then get her friends to notice and laugh about it. 5. Convey personality to the entire group. Do this by using stories, magic, anecdotes, and humor. Pay particular attention to the men and the less attractive women. During this time, the target will notice that you are the center of attention. You may perform various memorized pieces like the photo routine,2 but only for the obstacles. 6. Neg the target again if appropriate. If she wants to look at the pictures, for example, say, “Oh my god, she’s so grabby. How do you roll with her?” 7. Ask the group, “So, how does everyone know each other?” If the target is with one of the guys, find out how long they’ve been together. If it’s a serious relationship, eject politely by saying, “Pleasure meeting you.” 8. If she is not spoken for, say to the group, “I’ve sort of been alienating your friend. Is it all right if I speak to her for a couple of minutes?” They always say, “Uh, sure. If it’s okay with her.” If you’ve executed the preceding steps correctly, she will agree. 9. Isolate her from the group by telling her you want to show her something cool. Take her to sit with you nearby. As you lead her through the crowd, do a kino test by holding her hand. If she squeezes back, it’s on. Start looking for other IOIs. 10. Sit with her and perform a rune reading, an ESP test, or any other demonstration that will fascinate and intrigue her. 11. Tell her, “Beauty is common but what’s rare is a great energy and outlook on life. Tell me, what do you have inside that would make me want to know you as more than a mere face in the crowd?” If she begins to list qualities, this is a positive IOI. 12. Stop talking. Does she reinitiate the chat with a question that begins with the word “So?” If she does, you’ve now seen three IOIs and can… 13. Kiss close. Say, out of the blue, “Would you like to kiss me?” If the setting or circumstances aren’t conducive to physical intimacy, then give yourself a time constraint by saying, “I have to go, but we should continue this.” Then get her number and leave. (Location 683)
  • Jeffries, who claims to be the inspiration for Tom Cruise’s character in Magnolia, calls it Speed Seduction. (Location 716)
    • Note: How legit is this?
  • The fundamental precept of NLP is that one’s thoughts, feelings, and behavior—and the thoughts, feelings, and behavior of others—can be manipulated through words, suggestions, and physical gestures designed to influence the subconscious. The (Location 720)
    • Note: Look into NLP
  • Ross Jeffries (Location 732)
    • Note: King of pickup
  • I decided to use the Maury Povich opener. “My friend Grimble there just got a call today from the Maury Povich show,” I began. “And it seems they’re doing a segment on secret admirers. Evidently, someone has a little crush on him. Do you think he should go on the show or not?” “Sure,” she answered. “Why not?” “But what if his secret admirer is a man?” I asked. “Talk shows always need to put an unexpected twist on everything. Or what if it’s a relative?” It’s not lying; it’s flirting. She laughed. Perfect. “Would you do the show?” I asked. (Location 792)
    • Note: Maury show opener
  • ordered books on marketing, like Robert Cialdini’s seminal Influence, from which I learned several key principles that guide the majority of people’s decisions. The most important of these is social proof, which is the notion that if everyone else is doing something, then it must be good. (Location 1044)
    • Note: Social Proof
  • Men and women think and respond differently. Show a man the cover of Playboy, and he’s ready to go. In fact, show him a pitted avocado and he’s ready to go. Women, according to the speed seducers, aren’t persuaded as easily by direct images and talk. They respond better to metaphor and suggestion. (Location 1050)
    • Note: Men vs women
  • He had stopped posting online and, instead, let his employees stick up for him when he was flamed. He wasn’t a genius or an innovator like Mystery and Ross. But he was a great marketer. (Location 2366)
    • Note: Presetation and hustle can make up for a lack of innate talent
  • One thing I noticed as Rick talked was that people who liked the sound of their own voice tended to do better with women—except for soft-spoken Dustin. Cliff, of Cliff’s List, called it big mouth theory. (Location 2399)
    • Note: big mouth theory. Talk more do better
  • I let her look around, then continued: “And do you know what I’ve learned? Beauty is common. It’s something you’re born with or you pay for. What counts is what you make of yourself. What counts is a great outlook and a great personality.” (Location 2762)
    • Note: anyone can have beauty but it doesnt matter
  • However, I made sure never to ask questions; instead, as Juggler had taught me, I made open-ended statements that led them to ask me the questions. (Location 2777)
    • Note: Statements > questions
  • To seal the victory, I laid out one last beauty-neutralizing cold-reading routine. “I bet a lot of people think you’re a bitch. But you’re not. You’re actually shy in a lot of ways.” (Location 2785)
    • Note: Hot girl truism
  • You may have noticed that I haven’t been referring to these girls by their names. That’s because I never introduce myself during a pickup. As Mystery had taught me at that first workshop, I wait for the woman to introduce herself or ask for my name. That way, I know she’s interested. So, as we exchanged numbers, I received my (Location 2797)
    • Note: Dont give your name until they do
  • A true pickup artist knows never to buy meals, drinks, or gifts for a girl he hasn’t slept with. Dating is for tools. (Location 2806)
    • Note: Questionable.. But frugal
  • The key to physical escalation, David DeAngelo had said in his seminar, is always two steps forward, one step back. (Location 2823)
    • Note: 2 forward 1 back
  • First, open. Then demonstrate higher value. Next, build rapport and an emotional connection. And, finally, create a physical connection. (Location 2885)
    • Note: The pick up process general steps
  • But it’s not enough to just be yourself. You have to be your best self. And that’s a tall order if you haven’t found your best self yet. (Location 3154)
    • Note: Your best self is better than yourself
  • We get stuck in old thought and behavior patterns that may have been effective when we were twelve months or twelve years old, but now only serve to hold us back. And, while those around us may have no problem correcting our minor flaws, they let the big ones slide, because it would mean attacking who we are. (Location 3157)
    • Note: Damn. Nobody says anyting about our major flaws since it attacks the person you are
  • “Proximity alert system!” he announced. When women stand near a man but facing away from him, especially when there’s no real reason for them to be hanging out in that particular spot, it trips what Mystery calls the proximity alert system. It means they’re interested; they want to be opened. (Location 3207)
    • Note: Proximity alert system
  • Changing venues quickly became a key piece in the pickup game. It created a sense of distorted time: If you went to three different places with a group you’d just met, by the end of the night it felt as if you’d known each other forever. (Location 3225)
    • Note: Change locations
  • Victory belongs to the person with the strongest reality and the most decisive actions. (Location 3268)
    • Note: Decisiveness
  • have this idea that love is supposed to last forever. But love isn’t like that. It’s a free-flowing energy that comes and goes when it pleases. Sometimes it stays for life; other times it stays for a second, a day, a month, or a year. So don’t fear love when it comes simply because it makes you vulnerable. But don’t be surprised when it leaves, either. Just be glad you had the opportunity to experience it. (Location 3518)
    • Note: Enjoy love as it happens and appreciate it when it’s gone
  • I’ve never trusted collaborations, because most people in this world are not closers. They don’t finish what they start; they don’t live what they dream; they sabotage their own progress because they’re afraid they won’t find what they seek. (Location 3528)
    • Note: Be a closer in life
  • “When I’m awake, life sucks. It’s futile. When I’m asleep, I dream.” (Location 3637)
    • Note: I relate to this depressive thought immensely
  • “I’m sorry,” I said at one point, when discussing an article I’d written. “I don’t mean to sound like one of those writer guys.” “Why are you apologizing? Why not be a writer guy? Who are those guys? They’re talented people who write about things that people are interested in.” Then he continued, mockingly, “No, you don’t want to be one of those guys who’s creative and expressive.” (Location 4500)
    • Note: the perspective changes everything
  • Mastering Your Hidden Self. It taught me the idea that, “The world is what you think it is.” (Location 4851)
    • Note: You make your own reality
  • If you describe anything with enthusiasm and congruence, people will want to try it—especially if you don’t give them the opportunity to say no. (Location 4890)
    • Note: Enthusiastic persuasion
  • The less you appear to be trying, the better you do. (Location 4944)
    • Note: Dont look like ur working hard
  • One of the things I’d learned in the past year and a half was how to take a compliment. Just say, “Thank you.” It’s the only response a confident person can make. (Location 5931)
    • Note: just say thanks
  • “A heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others.” (Location 6082)
  • A rich man doesn’t have to tell you he’s rich. (Location 6349)
    • Note: Be humble
  • Scientists studying pheromones claim that when two people discover they have things in common, pheromones are released and attraction begins. (Location 6434)
    • Note: Commonalities = interest
  • Most married people I know don’t seem to be any happier. One day Orlando Bloom, an actor I’d written a Rolling Stone profile about, came over to visit. At the time, he was married to one of the world’s most successful and beautiful women, Victoria’s Secret supermodel Miranda Kerr, making him one of the most envied men on the planet. And the first thing out of his mouth? “I don’t know if marriage is worth it. I don’t know why anyone does it. I mean, I want romance and I want to be with someone, but I just don’t think it works.” (Location 8189)
  • Is it even natural to be faithful to one person for life? And if it is, how do I keep the passion and romance from fading over time? Or are there alternatives to monogamy that will lead to better relationships and greater happiness? (Location 8206)
  • Because, all too often, the things that we’re the most resistant to are precisely what we need. And the things we’re most scared to let go of are exactly the ones we most need to relinquish. (Location 8216)