Podcast

165- How to Win Friends and Influence People

Cortex

Last highlighted March 26, 2025 Source ↗ ← All highlights

Handling People
- Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain.
- Give honest and sincere appreciation. Transcript: Myke Hurley So the first set of principles, the first section, is fundamental techniques in handling people. And there are three principles here, which is don’t criticize, condemn, or complain, give honest and sincere appreciation, and arouse in the other person an eager want. All of these things are just like a great start in this book. Essentially, Essentially what the book and what Carnegie is asking you to do here is to try and meet people where they are, right? When you’re having conversations with people, listen to them and get involved with them and try not to criticize people. He is almost asking for you to become an affable person yeah he is a hundred percent to like join him in that it’s established earlier in the book and it i think comes throughout the book Which is something that i have learned in my many ways of managing and dealing with people in a professional context over the years is that essentially one of the only ways you can ever Get anybody to ever do something for you is to make them want to do it themselves. And there’s a quote that’s in the book from Charles Schwab, which is, I consider my ability to arouse enthusiasm among my people the greatest asset I possess and the way to develop the Best that is in a person is by appreciation and encouragement. And that is just like a good way to think about it. It’s like you’ve got to be able to encourage people to want to do something, make them feel important, and make them feel like the work they are doing is important if they work with you Or for you. (Time 0:22:02)
Understanding Importance
- Notice what makes others feel important.
- Try to key into what they value and how they define themselves. Transcript: CGP Grey Sort of redoubles down on that point, which I like as a kind of more actionable interpretation of this, where he’s talking about, you should try to notice where other people derive their Feeling of importance from. That to me is just like, ah, what a clear way to try to think about this is like, notice the way they talk, notice what they’re talking about, how they refer to themselves. Like you’re trying to key into where does this person derive their sense of importance from and how like that tells you a ton about the person. Like it gives you a lot of insight into like how they’re framing their life and how they’re thinking about things. Where do they put that locus? Is it like in their business life? Is it in their family life? Is it in like something else? Is it in something like they’re achieving well in terms of a hobby or like whatever it is, but almost everyone is going to have something that is like the center of how they define their Own feeling of importance. (Time 0:23:40)
Professional Relationships
- Give people genuine appreciation; make them feel valued.
- Encourage people by highlighting their strengths. Transcript: Myke Hurley From a professional context and i will talk a little bit later on about how i’m thinking of applying this book in a personal context but in a professional context one of the things that Talking about about like the important stuff is you need to find ways to give people genuine honest appreciation. And this is something that I have been trying harder and harder at anyway. Like this is something that I’d kind of clued into a number of years ago about working with people. This is the thing that I learned much more in my self-employed professional life as I think kind of a reflection on my corporate professional life where I did spend many years in management And didn’t do very well at it because I was too young. I didn’t have very good social skills at that point. But people really like genuine appreciation and to be made to feel like their work is valued. And it is very important in your professional relationships that you find the things that somebody is doing well and tell them they’re doing it well. I know that it might sound obvious, but it isn’t. Like sometimes, you know, someone’s working on something for you and maybe they’re not doing the exact job that you want them to do now it’s easy for you to then be like you’re not doing That right but that works not as well as being able to tell someone kind of what they do well and ask them to try and apply that to this other thing like that is a much more effective way of Getting somebody to change the way that they’re doing something is to help them understand why they’re good and can they be as good at this thing as they are at the other thing (Time 0:24:46)
Praise vs. Criticism
- Most people criticize often and praise rarely.
- Notice good behavior and praise it actively. Transcript: CGP Grey I was laughing because i was thinking of again all the books that we’ve read there’s always this way where you can take a book and condense it down into five like incredibly obvious statements Like this book is the truest form of that like the statements are like listen to people when they talk like praise them for doing good things but as with all of these things it’s like the Sequence of words and the vector by which they are delivered like critically matters and i think like this book is good at actually trying to get you to think about what this means and The truth is also like you can just see it in the world that like these are very obvious statements but the vast majority of people do not follow these ideas almost all the time in almost Every single interaction and like it does have negative consequences but you said like the most obvious one which again i remember this really stuck in my head but it’s like he just makes The comment of how like oh most people go through life and when they like something they don’t say anything at all and when they don’t like it they say things a thousand times like just Think about that in your interactions with people like praise people for them doing the thing that you like them to do. It’s so obvious, but it is a thing that like I catch in myself all the time of like trying to remember and do that. Like, oh, when someone does something right, notice and say so. Like, don’t just give them negative feedback all the time. It’s like the most basic advice ever but it really helps to like hear it in the format of this book obviously that stuck out to me in a different way like as a content creator right where Myke Hurley Like in the inverse you are much more likely to hear from people who are unhappy with a thing that you did or a way that you did something then you are to hear from all the people that really Liked it because they just won’t tell you yeah and like that principle exists in something that dale carnegie could never have imagined like yeah youtube you know what i mean like and It’s very funny because i think it speaks to the reason this book works is that it is so first principle kind of stuff Yeah. Right? Like it is very basic interpersonal relationships, even if those interpersonal relationships in a modern context aren’t actually interpersonal. (Time 0:26:30)
Genuine Interest
- Become genuinely interested in others.
- Make friends by showing interest, not seeking it. Transcript: Myke Hurley Genuinely interested in people is one of the most important qualities someone can possess. I find this to be very interesting and I think also very complicated to put into practice. And this is kind of what Carnegie is talking about, which is just inherently the thing that we all care about most in the world is ourselves. And that in new interactions with people, more likely to want to talk about your successes to try and impress them but actually one of the ways that you could truly impress someone is CGP Grey By not yeah i don’t remember there being anything particular in this book about like impressing other people but it is a total truism that the more you try to impress people, the less Impressed they are. This is why people hate things like name dropping or like talking about your accomplishments. You’re so transparently trying to get people to be impressed with you or interested in you. And it’s just completely off-putting. Nobody likes it. Everybody hates it. But it’s still like so hard for people not to do because you feel like i want to tell people what’s great and it’s like no no one’s interested uh they’re just interested in themselves which Again is one of those moments where like the book tips over into like the slight cynicism it’s like oh right this book works because almost no one is genuinely interested in other people. (Time 0:36:00)
The Boat Story
- A lawyer feigned interest in a child’s boat hobby to be agreeable.
- The aunt called this behavior gentlemanly, showcasing transactional politeness. Transcript: CGP Grey One example which like i remember reading this for the first time and it really struck me in high school because it has that dual feeling but it totally works i’m just going to read this This is an example of like talking about this thing so when i was eight years old and was spending a weekend visiting my aunt Libby at her home in Stratford, a middle-aged man called one Evening, and after a polite skirmish with my aunt, he devoted his attention to me. At that time, I happened to be excited about boats, and the visitor discussed the subject in a way that seemed particularly interesting. After he left, I spoke of him with enthusiasm. What a man! My aunt informed me that he was a New York lawyer, that he cared nothing whatsoever about boats, that he took not the slightest interest in the subject. But why then did he talk to me the entire time about boats? Because, said my aunt, he is a gentleman. He saw you were interested in boats and he talked about boats because he knew it would interest and please you he made himself agreeable again it’s like it’s not wrong but there’s something There i feel like that is just so laid out as transactional of like ah you young child like liked this lawyer uh but he doesn’t care at all about your dumb child hobbies he has like a whole Adult life that he’s living He was just being nice to you, comma, idiot. Like, why did you understand that? Myke Hurley It just feels so mean. This is also the beginning of a plot point in every sitcom of like, guy tells boss he likes boats and next thing he knows he’s on a boat trip. CGP Grey Yeah, like I remember that one really hitting me in the original version and the moment when i read this one i was like oh no it’s the boat story again for me it’s like everything is awful About it it’s like it’s the fact that the person is a child it’s also like oh i do this with children like when you’re interacting with children like you know you’re talking to them about Like whatever it is but some part of your brain is like running this background process of like i don’t actually care about this at all but like this kid thinks i’m very interested it’s Like oh i’m making myself agreeable it’s the correct thing to do but like a dot dot dot yeah i don’t know i just i really hate this example and it like struck me so hard again the second time It’s like there’s nothing to argue (Time 0:42:46)
Remembering Names
- Remember and use people’s names.
- A person’s name is a powerful compliment. Transcript: Myke Hurley So principle three is about remembering people’s names and using their names. Oh, man. CGP Grey Yeah. Myke Hurley I see that. Like, it’s important to remember someone’s name, but I’m so bad at remembering names. I really try. I do not believe for me this is a lack of desire or interest. I just struggle to remember names. But the example that I find funny is Dale Carnegie talks so often in this book about Andrew Carnegie. They are not related. They are not related at all. Andrew Carnegie, Carnegie Hall, right? Like that Andrew Carnegie. And it’s like could you not have picked someone else anyone to talk about yeah because like any because you mentioned there are a bunch of people who mentioned a bunch of times through This book why why talk about andrew carnegie so much and never acknowledge it do you want people to think you’re related like i don’t know but it’s like the whole time like oh oh okay like I also had this thing which i’m sure many people do when they read this book of like is this the kind of year of connie hall yeah exactly no it’s not that one he just keeps talking about him CGP Grey All the time the name chapter is the thing that makes me think the most about this book and particularly when i’m listening to podcasts, is I don’t know if this is true. I think this is just a personality difference between some people, but I’m always aware in interview podcasts, some guests are very, I don’t know how to say like name focused. So some guests will like call the host by their name multiple times during the show, I always find that very distracting. I don’t like it when guests do that. I think it kind of pops some sort of bubble that I’m just in the room listening to the conversation the moment the guest says the host’s name. But I feel like you could do some linguistical analysis of every interview that’s ever been conducted on a podcast. And if someone says the host name once, it’s like 90% chance they’re going to say it like five more times. I always feel like, oh, I know it’s coming. They’re going to be one of these people who’s like every time they’re like, Mike, Mike, Mike, like Mike, Mike, Mike. What do you think? And it like, it drives me crazy. And it like every time it always makes me think they read How to Win Friends and Influence People where he has the chapter. The way that he summarizes it at the end just makes me want to throw up. But I think it’s true. He’s like principle three. Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language. (Time 0:47:33)
Listening Skills
- Be a good listener, especially with loved ones.
- We tend to listen better to complete strangers than to family. Transcript: Myke Hurley Four is about being a good listener. And, you know, we’ve referenced it already in like, you know, people liking to talk about themselves. And, you know, that was where my comment was about the cynicism. But he does touch on something that I actually really like in this section, which is that learning to listen is vital with your family, but we seem more inclined to listen attentively To a complete stranger than a loved one. I think a lot of people can, that resonates with a lot of people, that resonates with me. I know that, you know, I can give absent-minded replies. And there’s something that I’ve developed over the years where, you know, if I’m talking to my wife, I would say, you know what, I wasn’t listening to you. Can you tell me what you said again? Like, I do find that can be helpful, but I know I’m not as good with this as I would want to be. And I think that it is just an important thing to be laid bare in that way and to think about that there are times when you would pay more attention to someone you have met for the first time Than someone that you have devoted your life to. (Time 0:52:48)
Avoiding Arguments
- Avoid arguments to maintain goodwill.
- Winning arguments rarely changes minds. Transcript: CGP Grey I mean, I absolutely adore that. Like when you’re reading the book, it says part three, how to win people to your way of thinking. Chapter one, you can’t win an argument. I just think it’s like very funny. How to win people to your way of thinking step one you can’t like i actually really love that though you’re like right out of the gate he’s letting you know something else here of like uh Myke Hurley You are thinking you’re gonna win arguments but you will never win arguments and that principle one the only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it like for me it was one of the It’s this is one of the best things to take from the book in my opinion why prove to a man he is wrong that will not make him like you there is only one way to get the best of an argument and that Is to avoid it and what carnegie is getting at here because i think people could hear that and be like, no, that doesn’t make it stupid. That doesn’t make any sense. But what he is getting at here, I think, is important, which is the majority of arguments. Like if you are going toe to toe with someone, people just dig in. Think about the arguments you have had in your life. How often do you truly get somebody to be like, you know what? You were right. Yeah. It’s so rare. I don’t think it happens, especially outside of the people who are the absolute closest to you. I think it’s so often that you would be having a discussion with someone and everybody leaves it just believing more strongly what they did at the beginning than they do at the end. And Carnegie asks the question, would you prefer to have an academic victory or someone’s goodwill? And I think this is genuinely a question people have to ask themselves. I think that it is perfectly valid to want one or the other. I prefer to just have someone’s goodwill. I don’t like to argue with people. For example, I want something that is so often in my life and is a good example of this. I’ll talk to people about what I do or what I’m interested in, and I like tech or whatever. They’ll be like, iPhone sucks, Android’s better. I don’t engage with that argument. And I never have, because what’s the point? Right? But you could, right or like conversely or someone could say the same like that is just there is no point engaging in this argument oh yeah like you know there’s so many things that are Better on android like and just move on from it like I’m not interested in a debate like that which is just meaningless like what is the point I would prefer to be able to just skate past That part of the conversation and get into something that is a bit more interesting to me than having like a meaningless debate but you could have it you could have that debate yeah if CGP Grey You wanted it but i don’t see the need yeah exactly this is again one of those moments where in real life when this comes up it’s like oh i will say something like, oh, yeah, like Android Phones are like way more customizable than iPhones, right? And it’s like, that always reads to the other person as some kind of agreement. Yeah. That’s the thing that I don’t love and it’s like very effective, but that also is the way to like skate past this as fast as possible. It’s like, great, some kind of minor sounds of what seemed like agreement, but actually if you’re like parsing out the sentence is just a statement of fact with like no meaning behind It whatsoever this to me this chapter here like you can’t win an argument is the core chapter that is addressing the point of social cohesion versus truth the best way to win an argument Is to avoid it like this is like here’s where we’re getting to this disagreement which is also why i think it is no coincidence that this is where the book really starts to go downhill because He’s doing more and more like you’re actually engaging with other people He’s not talking about what I think was the more influential part for me, a kind of like manual of basic social Politeness. (Time 1:02:14)
Idealized Interactions
- The book assumes good intentions in all interactions.
- It lacks advice for handling bad actors or manipulative people. Transcript: CGP Grey Lose more than you would like so you brought up a thing which i said at the start there’s a second problem that i have with this book and you’ve really hit upon the core of it now and i was like Wasn’t quite sure how to bring this up but like when i say that the book has this real like idealized americana vision to it the other assumption is that you are always interacting with People who have good intentions. So like another thing that is like underlying an enormous number of these stories and like especially like it gets more and more as we’re going on is the only problems are problems of Misunderstanding very much what this book has at its core like there’s no problem that conversation can’t solve and it’s like dot dot dot i think that is true given to participants who Are making good faith efforts at trying to understand and resolve each other. Like what this book kind of makes me think of a lot is like, you know, the like tit for tat in game theory. Have you come across this? Myke Hurley That doesn’t ring a bell. So explain it to me. CGP Grey Okay. So tit for tat is kind of like this very, very basic idea in game theory and social interactions, which is like, what is a strategy for cooperating with people versus not cooperating With people? And you map out like a very basic two by two matrix of like, both people cooperate, both people defect. It’s like the prisoner’s dilemma kind of problem. And tit for tat is the optimal solution under almost all circumstances, which is start with cooperation. But if the other person isn’t cooperating, you defect as well. But it leaves you vulnerable in those like first interactions. And this book feels like a world written for everyone playing like tit for tat, where like the opening gambit is good faith trying to work with each other. And it just isn’t true, which is one of these reasons why I feel like the first two times I read this book, I was relatively young, and it had a positive impact on me because I needed a correction In a certain direction away from like this like annoying truth telling thing. The older version of me looks at this book and i feel very hard what you’re expressing is like a lot of this is also a manual for how to be taken advantage of and how to be manipulated by people Who are not doing this at all but can seem like they are right or can act in other intentionally malicious ways it’s like this book has absolutely nothing in it about how to deal with someone Who’s not helping right who’s trying to like intentionally manipulate you and the very first example in this book gets right to what i think is that tension where he talks about this Like killer from the 1930s like two-gun crowley who was going on this like i looked it up afterwards like multi-month long like breaking and entering murder spree like breaking into People’s homes killing them in cold blood he shoots a police officer who’s like asking for his license like he goes to like the story of this and the thing that dale carnegie is trying To drive home is like this line here is like ah when two gum crowley like arrived in sing sing like for his execution i was like what did he say when they were putting him in the chair did he Say this is what I get for murdering people? No. He said, this is what I get for defending myself. And it’s very interesting because, like, this book frequently uses examples from prison. Because he’s got some, like, book that he’s clearly pulling sources from, like, this biography of, like, this warden in Sing Sing, like, giving examples. But it’s always, like, divorced from a certain kind of reality because like oh he tells the story and the point of the story is people never think they’ve done anything wrong it’s like Okay that’s great that’s true but all the examples you’re giving me are of people who are like in prison who are separated from society but in real life this is like an actual problem that Like as you live life you will eventually like run across with people who just like never think that they’re wrong and you’re like cause you all kinds of problems and the book just like Doesn’t have anything for that the book’s whole answer is always like talk to them and understand more but like that just doesn’t always work people exist on a spectrum from like murderers In prison to just like bad people and con artists is this (Time 1:08:40)
Constructive Criticism
- Talk about your mistakes before criticizing others.
- Soften criticism with empathy and shared experience. Transcript: Myke Hurley There are only two of them that kind of really spoke to me. And also this is like in my notes, the funny thing of like the least amount of notes taken is in this overall section. But the principles that I liked here were to talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person. And it’s like this idea of like if you need to tell someone that they have screwed up, it is nicer to soften it by being like, I also mess up. And this is something that I, again, I feel like I can think of times where I have done this kind of thing. I think it is a way to try and help keep someone motivated, even though something has to be corrected. Like you can’t ignore it And, like, I feel like there is a different way that this book could have gone, where it’s like, never acknowledge somebody’s mistakes. Like, you could see that scenario being played out in this book. But, like, that isn’t realistic. Like, if somebody has messed up, you’ve got to let them know so they can correct it. But people, I think, are more willing to hear it if they are not made to feel like they’re stupid. I like that they’re the only person that could have made that mistake. So I think that’s good. And then also the other principle I liked was ask questions instead of giving direct orders. And this one, again, is on the manipulation line, which is a lot of in this last segment, which is why I resonate so much with it. That you can kind of ask questions of people to help them get involved in something rather than just telling them what they need to do. And again, this section includes one of these wild things. There’s like some, like a guy takes a company out, he’s having a problem with his company and he takes everybody out on a retreat and then it ends up now that everybody works overtime for CGP Grey Free or something it’s just like all right we’ve gone too far yeah i actually really like this principle but i don’t like it in the context of being a leader ask questions instead of giving Direct orders is in real life on a one-to interaction with people i think one of the best ways to get people to change their mind about something is like, don’t try to convince them. Ask them a bunch of questions about like, what are they thinking? How are they thinking? But I don’t like it in the context of like, you’re in a work environment. You know, again, a lot of these stories are like, you’re a manager and it’s a problem with your employees. It’s like, well, then the whole framing is like, there’s not an honest conversation happening there. It’s more like, I’m just trying to get you to do something. Is this the way I can get you to do it is by asking a bunch of questions. So it’s like, I really like this in an interpersonal context, but I just hate it in a business context. It feels so manipulative and leads right into the next one of like let the other person save face which is the similar kind of thing of like oh you’re firing someone or you’re like someone’s Really bad at their job but you’re putting them somewhere else but you’re giving them like a fancy title like this kind of stuff again like the golly gee willikers style here is where It kind of curdles for me like but what are we doing right like ah you’ve uh you’ve sent someone off to siberia in your company but you’ve given them like a fancy title so they’ve saved some Face about not getting fired or relocated for being bad it’s like even if it works i just don’t like it and with this whole section i feel mostly the same way as you. (Time 1:22:43)
The Power of “And”
- Replace “but” with “and” when giving feedback.
- “But” negates preceding praise; use “and” to connect distinct points. Transcript: CGP Grey Like, I’m just looking through. It’s like I took the fewest notes. I remember feeling like kind of sad for most of this whole section. However, I do think one of the best actionable pieces of advice is in this section. He’s talking about the thing that you were saying of like, oh, if you’re going to find fault, like begin with praise. And he has like an addendum to this, which I think I’m just going to read this whole section because I think it’s gold. So he’s talking about like you’re trying to criticize someone, but like you start with saying what is good. He says, there is, however, a like one three letter word that destroys this intention. It’s the word but. The word but is poison. It delivers the criticism in the guise of a compliment that cloaks the true meaning of the statement. Your dress is lovely, but that color is unbecoming. Or you passed the last test with flying colors, but you’re failing the class. A mountain of difference. Because when the but appears, the praise, however sincere, shows to the person it was but a mere lead-in to what you really wanted to say. What started as a genuine compliment has now turned sour as forgotten milk. The word but means trouble, and the person on the receiving end knows it. And I think that is like fantastic. That is absolutely fantastic advice for talking to people. It’s like, oh, I know I have failed this one where it’s like I’m trying to like say something positive and then you like follow it up with a but. And it’s like this has really just triggered a thing in my brain of like, oh, yeah, this is just terrible. It totally negates the actual genuine compliment. And it’s also like, I feel like I’ve been on the receiving end of this as well. We’re like, oh, you know, you’re in trouble for someone and the person is leading with things that were good. And it actually just feels so much worse. And the reason is because you’re waiting for the but like but this just this morning i was like sending a text message to someone doing this exact same kind of thing of like oh there’s like A thing that’s positive and there’s a thing that’s negative and i caught myself doing like here’s the positive thing but here’s like the negative thing and i just like reworded the whole Message like try to remove that and make it like clear. These are two distinct things like this is very good. This needs to be improved. So while again, I don’t love this whole section. I think that’s just like fantastic, fantastic advice. (Time 1:26:05)
Motivating with Titles
- A grocery store manager gave an underperforming employee a title to motivate him.
- This “toys” strategy worked, highlighting the power of recognition. Transcript: CGP Grey But let me tell you right now the thing that is like for me, the book ends on the most sour of all examples, which is about giving people titles to make them do things. And so the final example of the story is about like a guy who’s running a grocery store and he has an employee who’s like doing a very bad job of posting the prices. It says like, so Mr. Schmidt called the young man into his office and appointed him supervisor of price tag posting for the entire store that he would be responsible for keeping all the shelves properly Tagged. This new responsibility entitled made the young man’s attitude completely changed and he fulfilled his duties satisfactorily from then on. Childish? Perhaps. But this is what they said to Napoleon when he created the Legion of Honor and distributed 15,000 crosses to his soldiers and made 18 of his generals, quote, marshals of France and called His troops the Grand Army. Napoleon was criticized for giving toys to war-hardened veterans, and Napoleon replied, men are ruled by toys. And that is the ending example of the book and i’m just like oh my god i hate it so much could you have ended on like anything other than that but i still really do recommend the book to people It’s a great book it’s a great it is like it really is this is also the thing like i’m very aware on a meta level of a number of times in this conversation i’ve tried to flag up, like, what do You do in normal conversations? Because, like, ah, Mike and I right now are not having a normal conversation. Like, we’re having a podcast conversation. It’s like, it’s different. Like, it’s more fun and entertaining to focus on the negative. Like, I think this is a whole aspect of the world that didn’t exist before. But genuinely, like this book is very good, I think, for most people on an interpersonal basis, assuming that you are working with people who are also trying their best. Like it fails in a lot of edge cases. But I think I would recommend this book basically to everyone. Like the world would be a better place if everyone just read like the first three chapters and just like heard these ideas expressed this way once. (Time 1:28:35)
Real-Life Application
- Myke used Carnegie’s principles in maternity situations.
- Being warm and courteous helped him get better treatment. Transcript: Myke Hurley Saying that this book is good, I can attest to, because I have already found myself in situations where I’ve used its principles in times that have been very helpful for me. So the last few weeks of my life, I found myself in many new scenarios. And I have been using some of the things that the book talks about in my interactions with people in maternity situations. So something that I’ve been trying to do is like smile more when I’m talking to people, you know, like doctors, nurses, midwives, that kind of thing. I’ve been trying to make more eye contact when I’m talking to people, a little bit of small talk and stuff like that, which the book talks about. It was like, you know, these kinds of pleasantries and interactions make people maybe remember you more or just warm to you. And in that, it actually makes it better for me because that person is more warm to me. And so like, I’ve found that to be good. And this can just be in circumstances. Like we were at an appointment a couple of days ago and my wife really wanted some water and I couldn’t find anything. And it was over the weekend. So we were in this health clinic, but most of the clinic was closed off and they had a security guard there because they just had it for where they would see children. And I said to the guys, is there any water here? You know, my wife, Rita, would like some water. And he’s like, I was like, it would be super helpful. And he’s like, okay, come on. And he took me into the closed area of the clinic to the water fountain. I was like, oh, that is so amazing. Thank you so much. Like just I went over what I would naturally do. And I think that it did help me get what I needed, which I think that is exactly what I am attempting to get. In this part of my life now, I have to take care of my family in a way that is different to how I would before, and so trying to put myself in situations where people are, they genuinely want To help me is better for everyone. And like another example of this is we had to go back into hospital. We stayed overnight. Everything’s fine. Just these things happen. And we were trying to get out of the hospital. Like we’d done everything we needed. Everything was fine. But the discharge paperwork was just taking ages. You know, it was like five o’clock in the afternoon. The doctor says you’re all good to go. And now it is like 8 p.m. And we’re still not leaving. And so I was like, all right. I try my best in these scenarios not to bug people because it’s like this is just, you know, no one really wants to be bugged in these situations. But, you know, it’s getting late now. Everyone’s getting hungry. And if we have to stay much longer, we have this whole song and dance that we have to restart of like feeding the baby and stuff. So I went to the desk and I was like, I’m so sorry to bother you. Like, you know, like really being nice about it. So, you know, explaining the situation, you know, we’d like to leave. Do you have any idea how long this might take? And they were like, oh, it could take up to two hours. And I just, two hours? And I was like, and I just, a previous version of me would have just continued that level of outrage at the scenario. But instead, I was like, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have reacted like that. We just, it’s been a long day. We’re really stressed. I understand. But if there’s anything you can do, we really appreciate it. It would be super helpful. And she was like, is there anything I can get you? I was like, da-da 20 minutes later, the paperwork was there. I don’t know if the way that I dealt with that helped that. But what I am very confident about is if I would have continued my initial feelings, I would not have left that hospital in 20 minutes. And so I put myself in a situation where I genuinely believe somebody wanted to help me. Rather than if I would have given them how I truly felt in that scenario, I don’t think I would have gotten that. Yeah, I’ve been finding these things to be really helpful in these scenarios of like dealing with people that are completely new to me and there is something I need, there is something They need, and I’m finding that the warmer I am, the more open I am, courteous, I am able to get what I need more easily in a way that people want to help me. Also, like just in general, like I am in a phase of my life right now where I’m meeting new people. I’m going to be meeting lots of more people over the coming years, which is just related to kind of like having a child and all that stuff. And I’ve spoken about this in previous year themes, right? Of trying to make more relationships in this part of my life. That was kind of what part of the year weekend was, is in hoping this kind of thing would happen. And that I would build more relationships. The same as year of people, right? It’s about building these relationships. I do think the principles of this book will actually help me a lot. And as I was reading through, I was thinking about how I could use some of them, reflecting on ways that I’ve been doing some of these things naturally. Just being interested in other people and making that a core of conversation, I think, will help me a lot. So yeah, this book, I think is fantastic. (Time 1:31:03)