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Robin Dellabough | How a Values Driven Career Enables You to Build a More Fulfilling Life

The Unmistakable Creative Podcast

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  • How Do You Navigate Human Relationships? i always feel like with my family, because we’re all indian, an loud hell, we’re always fighting to be heard. so the one thing i wonder is, what did you learn about navigating human relationships? That’s a big family. I think i learned both to hold my own as an individual, but also navigate, a how to get along with all kinds of people,. am, in in a big setting. And and, like we talked about in audience, collaboration just means that creativity must be a response or ally for someone else. If there’s no such thing asCreativity without Collaboration, i mean, at some ways, i believe that collaborations are more important than Transcript: Speaker 2 We so the one thing i wonder is, one in a family of six, what did you learn about navigating human relationships? That’s a big family. You mean, i always feel like with my family, because we’re all indian, an loud hell, we’re always fighting to be heard. Speaker 1 But how does that work in a family of sixs well, i was lucky because i was the eldest, so it was a little easier for my voice to be heard. I have to admit, i feel badly for my youngest sister, who literally could not get a word in edgewise until at least half of us had left. So, i i was lucky, and also am i somehow had a loud voice, even at a young age, in terms of, not, you know, not actually loud, but in terms of making my self heard, and my opinions am expressed, And they were respected. So, a, i kind of was an outlier among the six kids. A, i i was treated differently by my parents. I was sort of treated like a, more of an equal of theirs and a more of a kind of parrental figure to my five, a younger brothers and sisters, even though we were very close in age, there was Only 18 months between all six of us. But, a, there was that difference. And i, you know, ultimately, what i discovered, the reason that i really believe, is that it turned out that i didn’t have the same father as my younger siplings. A, i only learned this a couple of years ago through one of those diana tests. A, but i was different from a young age, and no one could figure out why. And it was all very unspoken. A, but i wish short and am, my siblings were all sort of amazons. And i was very bookish and loved to read and curl up, you know, um, on a rainy day. And they were all very, very sporty and athletic. Am, i didn’t look a lot like them. I looked a lot like my mother, but, um, i didn’t look a lot like my siblings or my father. A, so i think that that was part of tatthat on some level, everyone, my parents and my siblings, recognize that this, this girl is different now. And so i was sort of treatid a little bit like an outsider in some ways. Um, but in terms of relationships, you know, i certainly learned, am, to collaborate, that’s for sure. I mean, we would put on shows, you know, little ays together in the neighborhood, and and i would, um, i remember gathering all my siblings together and telling them, um, we were going To start a pet cemetery. And, you know, i was in charge, and i would give them little assignments like, you know, find a a little dead bug or somethig. It was a little morbid, but, um, so and then the other the other really huge thing i got from my family of origin and having all those, um siblings, was a sense of humor. We did share an incredible sense of humor when i was growing up, and as adults. Am, we would, we would, i just remember laughing a lot. My father had a very dark sense of humor, to black’s sense of humour. He was also a doctor, and he would come home with these outrageous stor s about patience and um, and, and we would sort of be moaning and groaning, but also laughing. Am, and it was just great. It was, you know, we, we had a lot of fun, am, as a family. We, i remember dance parties, and we had a monkey that ran around, and it was kind of, am, it was a very boisterous, am, war rm, environment. And a, i think i learned both to hold my own as an individual, but also navigate, a how to get along with all kinds of people, am, in in a big setting. And and, like i said, collaborate, which, as we talked about in audience, of one, collaboration and creativity just ar, you know, kissing cousins. And i think that it’s really great when you have both together. And in some ways, i mean, at the simplest creativity must be a collaboration. If you believe that there’s no such thing as creativity without a response, or an audience, of ally, you know that that creativity, the whole point of it is to communicate with someone Else. Even though that’s not the a, the driving force while you’re creating, it’s, it’s the end goal. It’s got to be, or youre, you know, one hand clapping in a forest, or whatever. That that metaphoris. (Time 0:04:45)
  • What I Loved About Being a Writer Am is an award-winning poet and playwright. She was inspired by her mother’s dying wish that she find a passion for writing. Her work has been published in several literary journals, including The New York Review of Books. For more information on Am or to order your copy visit: www.ampoetry.com. Transcript: Speaker 1 I was staying in berkeley. So, a, i went to berkeley. And then, once again, i dropped out to go to the tree house in hawaii. Am, and then we had a flash flood, so that didn’t work out. So i came back. And then i finished up my underground degree. And then i was in theatre for a long time. M as a stage manager and sometimes an assistant director. A, i worked at berkeley rapatory theatre, a berkeley stage company, and the blake street hawkeyes, which was a performance art group that woppy goldberg joined right after i leftore. She went to ele and got famous. So, am, and i loved doing that. It was, it was creative, but it was always, you know, creative. It was supporting other people’s creativity. Um, that was sort of a theme. Speaker 2 So, so, so, i’m familiar with lock about that, naturally. Speaker 1 So, um, so at a certain point, after i was in theatre for a while, um, probably three, four, o r five years. Um, and i was also king at a book store and waitressing, and, you know, it was a typical 20 somethings life in the seventies and early eighties in berkeley. Um, it was a lot of fun, and i just didn’t think in terms of a career path, still. So, but at a certain point, am, two acquaintances of mine walked into the bookstore where i was working, and one of them had just gotten a master an journalism, and one had just gott a masters In english lit. And so i grilled them about both of their programmes, because i started thinking maybe i did want to a, write a it had been kind of a am, i had written a from the time i was four or five years Old, a little poems and stories. But it had kind of gone underground for a while, and it was starting to a surface that that was really what i wanted to do. You know, i knew i didn’t want to be a stage manager the rest of my life. I was good at it, but it wasn’t satisfying enough, cause i did have this streak of creativity that wasn’t being am expressed. So in the end, i, i decided journalism school would be more practical. And so i went, and it was fabulous. And i never did daily newspaper journalism. I was always interested more in writing about the arts, a, which i did. And then i wound up graduating and writing for a a magazine, and then i got into writing for books. Am, you know, as a ghost writer, editor type person. A, but again, it was always, and during that time, i was also writing poetry, just for myself. Im, eventually, i, a, i got into submitting poems to small literary journals. Um, but at the same time, i was having children and raising them, and am doing day jobs, you know, to to help support the family. Um, and it was always, except for the poems, i’m working to, as i said, am, further someone else’s creativity, which i enjoyednd, and again, i think i was good at it. Am, but am, at a certain point, my mam was dying. And am, we all gathered to kind of say good bye to her. And she, she liked to read poems, and so we indulged her, and she read all of her six children’s poems and her eight grandchildren’s pams, and she knd, hof had it. It was sort of a farewell message from her to each of us. It was very moving. And i’ll never forget, we were on deck at my sister’s house in eugene, am, and she, she, ha, it was one on one, just the two of us, and she said, you need to find your own passion. Am, the window is closing, and you need to do it. And i was really struck by that message. Um, and it would make a great story if i said so the very next month, you know, i started, i quit my job, and i started writing a it took a little longer to simmer. Am, and actually, a a thing that finally galvanized, or catalyzed me into really taking my poetry seriously, a in a sustained way, you know, as opposed to, you know, id do it, like, in In a frenzyof of a activity for a while, and then something would distract me, and i would a, you know, like a mother dying, for example, and having to fly out there for three months. But anyway, a, what really got me on the path, that led me to be able to actually put together a whole book and get it published, of my poetry was a, believe it or not, working on an audience Of one with e ya, that’s, well, it’s funny to say that, im sa. Iia, dead serious. Hello. Speaker 2 It’s funny. (Time 0:22:37)
  • Are You Trying To Make The Right Choices For Your Life? i feel like a lot of young people make decisions about their entire lives when they’ve only lived a fraction of them. i personally think thinking about one’s values is more effective and constructive than figuring out if you want to be a lawyer or a doctor. I have been raised in a family of privilege and exposed to all those things. Im an, i would be the last person to say that everyone has the luxury of thinking about the life, you know, seriously. It sounds so obnoxious a to say that to some one who’s just a struggling to eat and have a home,. but if you have the a luxury of making certain choices the way i did. Transcript: Speaker 2 And i talked to a guy at anderson consulting, which then became eccentrer, and he said, we don’t hire english majors. And i never set foot in that building again after that. And i always think back to that and think, why? What did i miss out on? I think, ia, well, that’s ta thing, right? To your point. I feel like a lot of young people make decisions about their entire lives when they’ve only lived a fraction of them. And this is something i saw because i did it myself. And even when i went back to talk to my high school, a p english teacher’s class, i think this was right when unmistakable came out, if i remember correctly. A, all these kids were worried about what they were going to do with their lives. And i’m thinking to myself, even if you have this whole thing perfectly planned out, nothing can turn out like you thought it w that’s the joke. That’s the irony. Speaker 1 A, you know, it’s just ridiculous. I mean, it’s so kay to have kind of a aas a general sense of i mean, i personally think thinking about one’s values and how to a live a life in which you’re able to live those values, is more Effective and constructive than than figuring out if you want to be a lawyer or a doctor. Am, now, i have to say that is, that is coming out of a position of total privilege, ah, on my part. Am an, i would be the last person to say that everyone has the luxury of thinking about the life, you know, seriously. I mean, it sounds so obnoxious a to say that to some one who’s just a struggling to eat and have a home, but if you have the a luxury of making certain choices the way i did. Um, and don’t get me wrong, i was self supporting from the time i left home. A i paid my own way in that hitch iking trip in europe, and i paid for college, and i paid for, you know, all my adventures. It wasn’t that but, but i have been raised in a family of privilege and exposed to all those things. So, um, anyway. But, so here’s a good example of that. I had a book production company, as you know, called lark productions. And am for a variety of reasons after stop being fun and satisfying, i lefhed not having a clue what i was going to do next, am. And again, part of that was, am, a, because i was married to some one, and who could support for a short period of time, till i figured out what i was going to do. Im. But so i just, i took six months to, um, get over being burned out and to figure out what i wanted to do. And i was working with a life coach, actually. And instead of thinking again about jobs or even careers, what what i wound up doing is, am, coming up with three characteristics, or values, or or a attitudes that i wanted in any of my Work. And they were a creativity, communication and community. And so i could apply those three things to things that came across my radar a in a way that would help me see through the the possibly limiting, a, you know, resume, limiting am obstacles To a certain job, and go for it. Anyway. So what happened was, a, i saw that this, a small quaker, progressive school was looking for a director of admissions. Now, i had no experience or and in a admissions work at all. I could go on and on about that. But, but i mit it immediately lit up my brain because it combined all those three aspects that i was looking for. It was collaborate, if it was creative, and it was community. And so a, based on that, i went for it, and i got the job, and i had a glorious four years working there. Am, and i wouldn’t have been able to do that if id just had this very narrow concept of what i was qualified to do, or what i could do to make money. Am, you know, again, that that’s my privilege, that i’ve never really done anything just for the sake of the money. Am, because i’ve been lucky enough not have to worry about that. Im, and it’s not because i’m an heiress. It’s because i’ve been lucky to work in ina field, or fields, that have um, remunerated me, you know, adequately. Am, so y. So i just, i get frustrated with young people who do have, you know, the luxury of choice, when they, when they m hide themselves into such a narrow range of possibility. (Time 0:32:45)
  • Writing is a Way of Thinking “It took me a long time to separate the fact that, you know, you were giving me feedback in the work from feedback on me,” Grantid says. “If it was lazy, it’s because it hasn’t been thought through well enough”, he writes of his poetry workshops.Grantid: In my old age, i’ve acquired this wisdom that not everyone wants that.” Transcript: Speaker 2 How do you how does this relate to the concept of unmistakable to the point? Wrslik, i’m really beginning to hate this wordo that was one. But then the other thing that i noticed, even when you did give feedback, i think i remember the closest thing to a compliment was good and im ike, rit but i intentionally chose you because I remember when i met you in lisa’s office, you said, i’m going to be tough on you. And i told lisa, she’s the one. And to this day, i remember it. It took me one month before i stopped taking your feedback personally. You might remember we had a call where you sent me an editorial memo for a very well known author. And you’re like, this is the feedback i gave to this author. Aright. Cool. And i took me a long time to separate the fact that, you know, you were giving me feedback in the work from feedback on me. And, oh, the other favorite comment was the lazy, try againmike. But i realized, like, when you did that, you didn’t nen you never just gave me the feedback on how to fix it. You made me think, think for myself. Speaker 1 And i wonder hat wrian, writing is, you know, writing is a way of thinking, but getting the thinking down on the page, no. And so that, you know, that’s always what i meant by that. If it was lazy, it’s because it hasn’t been thought through well enough. Speaker 2 But i hope i never made you cry. You never made me cry. I mean, not like i was thick skinned enough that i was just like, whatever. Grantid i’m probably far like i thought you were tough, apparently i’m ruthless. If you’re tough. I’m an assel like as it is, i i have no ability to filter. So it togh that’s it. Speaker 1 Sometimes, i i fear that em you know, in my poetry workshops, where we’re supposed to give constructive criticism, i think i do come on too strong sometimes with these very fragile poets, M i mean, poets are the most fragile of all writers. And am to really, really try to myself back, im, even though i want it myself. I want that tough feedback on my work. But im, but i’ve come, in my old age, i’ve, you know, acquired this wisdom that not everyone wants that. So im, like, ill, i’ll actually ask in the workshop, would you like my edits? You? No, i don’t just send them to so i so, um. And some people welcome them. And some people absolutely don’t want to see a single word edited. (Time 0:48:48)
  • How I Did It During Those First Two Years Every time i got really angry thinking about something about him, i hat a party. I threw more parties in those first two years than i’ve ever had for an all women un valentine’s party. Im went on a back packing trip with one of my best friends right after it happened and that was very therapeutic to get out into the mountains. The river’s always been almost a spiritual, a place for you finde at solace and comfort so i did that. Oh, and the other thing i’m so happy i did is just kind of stumbled into it as i started my kitsan left home. By then, i needed money, and so i ed renting rooms on ar Transcript: Speaker 2 30 years is a really long time, and to have that come out of nowhere, to have something that has been such a sort of stable, consistent, predictable force in your life for 30 years, andt Have it o be pulled out from under you. I how do you youll find a sense of solid ground. It must go me like that. Speaker 1 Like i said, it was really hard when i had a really rough couple of years there. Im, it was literally like a hand grenade. Im, especially the unexpectedness. How i did it? I i i’m pretty i think, just as you know, my temperament is resilient. And am. So one thing i did the first couple of years is, every time i got really angry thinking about something about him, i hat a party. I threw a partyha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. I ol that i really did. So i had more parties in those first two years than i’ve ever had for i had an all women un valentine’s party. I had game nights. I had mother daughter parties. I had dance parties. I had, i gave birthday parties to everything, one of my friends. I am, you know, so i just that helped lik get mad, have a party. A, i, i leaned a lot my sisters and my friends. Y, my three sisters are my best friends. And i am, for example, i went on a back packing trip with one of them right after it happened. Am, and it was very therapeutic to get out into the mountains and just have that perspective. Am that, yes, my 30 year marriage is over, but im, you know, i’m a speck on this mountain, that kind of. Um, and they were people, you know, friends and my sisters, they were, they were people i could call and vent to or cry with, or or they could make me laugh, that kind of thing. So, um, and then, oh, and i wrote a lot. I wrote a lot of poetry during those first horrible years. Um, so i guess that’s i did it. Em and and em, i have, i say, physical stuff really helped. Im, you know, as i said, just walking my dog, or or going down to the river. I live on the hudson river, and m the river’s always been almost a spiritual, a place for you finde at solace and comfort. So i did that. Im, i don’t think i started dancing yet. I think that was a couple of years later. Oh, and the other thing i did that i’m so happy i did. And i just kind of stumbled into it as i started my kitsan left home. By then, i had this four bedroom house. Im, i needed money, and so i ed renting rooms on arabyand b, which i had just had a discover. I was a very early, early adoptor. My my daughter and i had stayed in an arb and b when she was looking at grad schools, and it had just started. So i thought, ok, this could be cool. And i was really lucky, cause my very first guest was a a young, a violin student. She was gettinga a masters and violin at a nearby college. And she was so lovely. Ah, she became like another daughter. She really didn’t. She wound up staying with me for, i think, almost a year a and, and since then, i’ve just, hadi, had another woman who went up living with me for four years. And i just had lunch with her. She only moved out because she, her boy friend, who lived in soho, was begging her move in with and i finally almost kicked her ound. I said, amy, it’s time to, you know, fly out of the nest here. Go live with him. And so she did. But again, you know, she, she came to my daughter’s wedding, you know. So, am, that was, that was great. Because i realized, especially having grown up with five brothers and sisters, a and then having had a family, i i like living with people, you know, i really do. Right now, i have a em a young woman who’s studying to be a midwife living with me. In fact, she just had to run out to deliver a baby, am, andit so that’s been, that’s been really great. (Time 0:59:46)
  • What Makes Someone Unmistakable? Robin delabo is the author of a new book, unmistakable. He talks about what makes someone or something “indisputable” His spiritual nature comes through loud and clear in his work. You can pre-order your copy at finishing line press dot com for as little as three dollars per month. Transcript: Speaker 2 Why this has been really, really interesting. As i said, you know, i have had a chance to get to know a part of you and a part of your life that i just had no idea about, despite having worked with you for two years. So i’m really curious to see how you’re going to answer this question, given that you played a pivotal role in the unmistakable book. Speaker 1 And yo, know, you think at least i would have thought about it? And no, yesi am glad you didn’t. Speaker 2 No, i’m glad you didn’t, because then you could have es, which would defeat the purpose. Speaker 1 I completely forgot about it, dad. Speaker 2 What doyou think it is that makes somebody or something unmistakable? Speaker 1 Oh, my goodness. Im you know, what i think makes someone or something unmistakable is their real their spiritual nature, coming through loud and clear. And you can think of spiritual in that sense, as it are, not necessarily god a, but the the still quiet, but but strong, deep voice inside us when we when we stop thinking and doing that Is always there. A quakers call it the light within a. It could be nature, it could be a group of people whom you love, a whatever you want to call it. But for me, when it’s unmistakable, there’s that sense of authority and authenticity that i think can only come from that place of a spiritual life. Speaker 2 Amazing. I can’t thank you enough for taking time to join us, to showe your story, your wisdom and your incise. Witor listners, it has been an absolute pleasure to actually get to talk o you in this context. Where can people find out more about you, your work, the book and everythng they’re up to? Speaker 1 Oh no, that’s a good question. I don’t, like i said before, i’m not big on social median web sights and stuff. I don’t have my own web sight. All i can say is to order the book, which i would love people to do. It’s called double helix im it’s not on amazon yet. It will be after may 20, seventh. But for now, you can go to finishing line press. It’s just finishing line press dot com, pluggin. My name robin delabo, and my page there will come up with some articles about me and the a preorder a link. Um oh, i do have it. I do have a very tiny instagram account. Am that is that i do postpones on sometimes. I think it’s just at r delabo, yes. Speaker 2 R delabo on instagram. Amazing. And for everybody listening, we will wrap the show with that, with the unmistakable creative back stage pass. For as little as three dollars a month, you can listo our podcast add free and support the show. Our back stage pass members get access to exclusive content, bonus episodes and more. Thanks for being an unmistakable creative listener. We wouldn’t be where we are to day without your support. (Time 1:10:48)