Podcast
Wendy Parr | How Creative Obsession Fuels Your Motivation
The Unmistakable Creative Podcast
- What Do You Learn From Your Parents? Wendy has been a listener of the pod gest and wrote in. She says she learned to take risks from her mother, who is talented at interior design. Her brothers also follow their father’s example by being ‘a little lawless’ Wendy: “If i would save anything, i would learn to like enjoy life more” Transcript: Speaker 2 It is my pleasure to have you here. So iv found out about you, ah, because you’ve been a listener of the pod gest and youve wrote in. And it’s always one nice to hear when listeners are doing such amazing things that they end up becoming guests. But it’s also always surprising, because i’m always blown away by the level of sort of talent. And ah, you know, interesting skill that is out there in our com i think that together the group of podgas listeners here could potentially do things that could change the world and solve Problems that have taken decades to solve in a matter of weeks, if we all did it together. Speaker 1 I love that. Speaker 2 So i want to storp asking you, what is one of the most important things that you learn for one or both of your parents, that have influenced and shaped who ou’ve become and what you’ve done With your life? Speaker 1 Oh, wi, oh, my goodness. That is a big question. And i would say i h’ve learnt. I learned, i learned by example of, you know, what what works and what doesn’t, right? So a, a hundred %. Take risks and be a little lawless. You know, don’t, don’t follow all the rules. My mam definitely does not follow all the rules, and i can see it in my brothers as well. And, you know, as long as i’m not hurting anybody, it’ it’s cool, please. Don’t, you know, find, find your own path. Do your thing. Take risksad, one of the things she’s so talented at is interior design and landscaping, like and i would see her, i see it in myself. I see it in my clothing. I see it you know, my style choice is, and i know that, you know, from the time i was a kid, like would wear clothes when she said, what are you doing? Or i remember when i was eight and being insulted for wearing hot pink and red. But when i was 23 and i wore it, and a andre leon tally saw me, he looked me up and down and smiled, and two weeks later, the colours of the season were hot pink and red. So eight year old me had fashioned style and tastes, even if the world didn’t like it yet. So i that with her design. You know, i would watch her do something for somebody, and every, every design she did was their style, not hers. You know, she would do interior for them. That wasn’t, she wouldn’t do it herself, but she, she was doing it for their taste. But what was always there was her risks, was her putting things together that other people would be like, will that’s bold. You know, she was deftly not now, bag and am. I’ve, i’ve had people say to me, oh, wendy, only you could pull that off, like, whatever i’m wearing, you know, en, it is that, it’s that risk taking. It’s that why not put patterns together. Why noto you know, why not do whatever the thing as your heart is pushing you to do, break the rules. Speaker 2 What are you done? Speaker 1 That’s a good one too. I definitely got the work hard sideon his side. And my mama has energy for days. So it’s not that there’s a difference there. Am, if i would save anything, i would learn to like enjoy life more. I think he hadhehae. I get a little bit of the worry side, i think, from him. And i i practise like and i want to worry less and enjoy more. So i practise, no, can i respond with more joy? Can i respond with more joy? (Time 0:01:43)
- Take Risks and Be Lawless i think there’s a distinction that i between perceived risk and real risk. As we get older, our tolerance for risk declines but then we start to turn perceived risks into real ones. We know that fear is built in, right? Like fear is built to save our lives in the jungle. Our body has a fight or flight reaction to it because our eyes are so focused on something small and specific. People aren’t aware of the fact that just looking at your phone puts your nervous system into fight or flight. Ut, we need to learn some of these things and practise ways to lean away from our fears. And again, i’m just a person who’s always followed passions, who i Transcript: Speaker 2 Can i respond with more easea, so i think what struck me in particular about the advice you got for your mam is that not conventional advice from a parent to a kid is to take risks and be a Little lawless. And i know what you mean by lawless, not near breaking the law, say, a, but i think that one of the things that strikes me as interesting about humans in general is that as we get older, our Tolerance for risk declines. And of course, there’s reasonable justifications for that. Because, as you you know, have kids, have families, you have responsibilities, where the consequences of the risks become much bigger, if, you know, things blow up in your face. And at the same time, i think that te there’s a distinction that i between perceived risk and real risk. And i wonder why you think that on we lose that capacity for risk, but then we start to turn perceived risks into real ones. Speaker 1 Oh, i mean, there’s a biology to our fear, right? Like fear saves usann is arrival. So i think w again, we have to practise leaning, you not being aware of our fears, but leaning away from them and towards our desires, or towards our passions, or towards em towards those Risks end. As i’ve heard it said, you know, she shouldn’t. She certainly didn’t tell me to be to take risks, although maybe she did. But she showed me right when i was a kid. She’d take me out of school and say, come with me for the day. We’re going to san francisco. I’m going to go o now, shopping for a client. So as long as i did well in school, and i was i was advancing there, it was totally cooled a cut school so i did. I did a lot of that. So i think, you know, there as that that was that balance of, yes, do well, succeed. And that’s a risk too, right? You’re risking something if you, if you don’t ollow that, that stayan, stay in line, so to speak. Em ye, i think. I mean, we know that fear is built in, right? Like fear is built to save our lives in the jungleand we still have that fear reaction, you know, when you stare at your phone for too long, or just in general, and your computer as well. Our body has a fight or flight reaction to it, because our eyes are so focused on something small and specific. So it’s actually essential that you get up, move your body and let your eyes go very peripheral, very wide, like taking a walk. It’s one of the ways we decompresses cause of the way your eyes see the world. And, you know, people aren’t aware of the fact that, something i’ve learned recently, they’r just looking at your phone puts your nervous system into fight or flight. That’s horrible. It’s why people are so stressed. Ut, we need to, no, we need to learn some of these things and practise ways to lean away from our fears. And again, i’m just a person who’s always followed passions, who i’m very driven by purpose. And am, you know, i get an idea, i get a vision, id get a creative thing. Iah, let’s make that happen. We got to make it happen. And i believe in that. I believe without that, wou know, we wouldn’t have innovation. And without this, i think it’s to a certain extent, n w talk about wrists. You know, humans have to feel a bit infallible or immortal, or we wouldn’t never leave the house. So i think that’s also part of our design. It’s gong to be ok. We’re going we can do it. It well be fine. We’d never get in a car. We’d never, no one would have built an airoplane, gotten into it. No one would jump off a cliff, you know. So i think both things are there, yet we need to learn to harness the power of each of themand when, when? When? When? Is something appropriate? (Time 0:05:02)
- I’m Queer, Am I Estranged From My Parents? Wendy Ando: My family was already e or inanin in its own totality, a very challenging experience. I got kicked out of my house; i didn’t let my mam stop talking to me. She saw it as a poor reflection on herself and that was the problem. If i had said, i’m blue, she probably would have been like, what? You can’t do that, you know. But if this just, ha, if i’m happy loving the person i love, then i woun’t be happy. Ho, try to deny that, fight that ignore, that would be worse. Transcript: Speaker 2 Yes, yoas ma’m so how do you approach that conversation? Because i, i’ve heard multiple versions of this, where one is, you know, i am completely estranged from my parents. Or member, steve goldstein, we had here, who wrote this amazing book about, you know, the power what makes people like you. And from hollywood to wall street, he ended up having n a strange relationship. Then on the flip side of that, you know, i’ve had people like genifer brown, who said that it wasn’t the easy, nothing was easy, but it didn’t need destroy the relationship that, youknow, She had with her family. Speaker 1 Sorr you did ask that question and i didn’t answer. So sorry for that. Em, so, oh, it’s such a big questionand it definitly has to do with coming out, but it also has to do with just my family was already e or inanin in its own totality, a very challenging experience, Just e my fam iwas very, like, broken from the start. It was very volatile. So there’s all that in addition to my being queer. I got kicked out of my house. I. Am, i was estranged. Well, it wasstrange. I didn’t let my mam stop talking to me. Pretty it worked. But it was just a struggle for a long, long time. And then ama, there, wer there were likeh you know, she wouldn’t call me, cause i lived with my partner the time, so she wouldn’t call my house. And am, and yo, no, my ma would say, that’s not true. I did. She didn’t. And then, obut. But again, some of this has to do with my being queer, and some of it doesn’t. Am, cause we just have, our family has its own challenging dynamics, and i think, i think my family has struggled to be a family and be connected in general. Am, but yes, my being queer was like a line in the sand that my mam was like drawing, you know. K i said, i’m gay, and she said, how could you do this to me? So unfortunately, it was, for her, a, i think, of, you know, she saw it as a poor reflection on herself or something. It was, i think it was not the vision she saw of me. And that was the problem. If i had said, i’m blue, if i had said, i’m actally, if i had said, i want to be a mathematician instead of a singer, she probably would have been like, what? You can’t do that, you know. I want you to be a singer. So it’s a sort of one of the layers. And, you know, i remember when i was a kid, in our house, there was a big staircase, and every person who walked in would say, oh, i could just see wendy coming down in her wedding gown down The staircase. Ando. Every time they do it, i ci’d wont to throw up. So i’d think, hat that was the bigger part of it. My my stepfather, you know, he was fine with it. He said, like, what would have said about being an artist? He just said, ah, i just don’t want your life to be hard and and i was like, dad, life’s hard anyway. But if this just, ha, if i’m happy loving the person i love, then i woun to be happy. Ho, try to deny that, fight that ignore, that would be worse. And im so, i think. And so. And he was, he was, i think he was more oke with it, for sure. But he, he was a temate with my ma. So, a, it was a very hard line in the sand. And, you know, it’s a phase. They sent me to therape to get straight. That was horrible. (Time 0:26:04)